10 Things You Didn’t Know About Penises

Thanks to Seinfeld, we’re all familiar with the unfortunate side effect a dip in the pool can have on a man’s penis.  The cold water causes it shrivel up like a frightened turtle.  But did you know lighting up after that sweet roll in the hay may have a similar, perhaps more permanent result?  According to U.K.-based TCM Healthcare, which just released an infographic about the male appendage (arguably a homosexual’s favorite part), smoking may shrink your penis by up to one centimeter.

Apparently, the male orgasm lasts only six seconds (or thereabouts) and a teaspoon of the white stuff contains seven calories per serving.  That’s good to know, particularly if dick sauce is a part of your daily diet.  More on that in a later blog post, but in the meantime, check out this “personal touch” on a cocktail:


I digress.

The infographic below is loaded with more odd facts.  Some of it may be hard to swallow (imagine trying to get the biggest penis down your throat), but it’s interesting nonetheless.


Juno Lures “City that Never Sleeps” to Bed

Winter Storm Juno lured the “City that Never Sleeps” into bed with a mere six-inches (although she was expecting much more, if you catch my drift).  It’s the cold-hard truth.  According to this chilling report, men often lie about their penis size to get into a girl’s pants.  Think about all the guys who’ve failed to meet great expectations on Grindr.

I digress.  Who knew the Big Apple wasn’t a size queen?!

After a one night stand with Old Man Winter, the city then hit the snooze button—lulled into a day-long nap—and for good reason.  If history’s any indication, Juno could very well produce a new crop of crab apples.  We all recall the “baby boom” that followed Hurricane Sandy.  Let’s not forget how people “stayed warm” during last year’s polar vortex.  Only time will tell.

But, riddle me this one:  what is it about being shut in that turns us on so much?

Perhaps it’s the surge of vulnerability—when Mother Nature comes roaring in like a dominatrix—that inspires us to cast caution to the wind (pun intended) and take hold of something within our immediate control.  And when you think about it on those terms, that’s the silver lining in any storm.

Not so upset with the weathermen anymore, are you?  Go easy on those guys.  If anyone could use some cheering up with a good lay right now, it’s them.  (Okay, the weather girls too).