At the Intersection of Single and on PrEP

Like a moth to a flame, I played with fire and got burned. In my quest to extinguish any lingering romantic feelings I harbor for yet another “unavailable” homosexual, I’m acting out in alarming ways—going to extremes I never dreamed imaginable.

Last night, I let a one night stand go in without protection.

For most homosexuals these days, “raw” or “bareback” sex is no big deal. With the advent of PrEP (or what I call “homosexual birth control“), everyone’s doing it. But I’ve always maintained we should exercise a little more caution when we find ourselves in the company of strangers; that we should refrain from using the little blue pill as a license to have unprotected sex. Condoms offer additional protection against HIV and other STIs. PrEP provides an added peace of mind.

Or so I thought.

The morning after, I’m finding little comfort in the knowledge that “PrEP reduces your risk of HIV infection by over 90-percent.” That’s because it does little to stave off this overwhelming sense of disappointment that I put myself in a vulnerable position and allowed someone to violate me physically (putting aside the obvious impact on my emotional and mental well-being).

I made a mistake.

As someone who insists on protection, I find myself feeling largely marginalized (dare I say, ostracized) from the seemingly vast majority of homosexual society who’ve pledged allegiance to condomless sex. The pool of available candidates becomes exceptionally shallow when (at the very least) half the swimmers on homosexual dating apps explicitly state that they’re seeking “raw” or “bareback” sex because they’re on PrEP.

It leaves yours truly feeling stranded.

But if any good is to come of this situation, it strengthens my resolve: I’m not so lonely and desperate for affection that I’m ever willing to compromise my virtue again, certainly not for for some fleeting moment. If that means remaining isolated because I refuse to engage in what the popular “in crowd” is doing, so be it.

 

 

 

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