An Acquired Taste for a Man-Made Ingredient

Fellatio is the homosexual’s handshake. Moments after coming across some of the best produce in one of the finer sections of New York’s “gayborhood,” I found myself on my knees. After about half-an-hour of churning, I came up for air with a mouthful of apple butter. I swallowed.

Caviar is a homosexual’s delicacy, but until recently I never sampled the goods. Perhaps the “homosexual birth control” has put my mind at ease.  I digress.  Point being:  He enjoyed the warm, moist cave of my throat with the occasional coil of my naughty tongue, and I couldn’t get enough of his “home brew.”

PAUL “FOTIE” PHOTENHAUER WILL DRINK TO THAT.  

As I mentioned in 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Penises, Fotie Photenhauer imagines semen as a gourmet ingredient. He is the author of “Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen Based Recipes,” and “Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook.” Take a look at how he went “beyond exotic fruits and rare spirits” and added a “personal touch” with this baby: The Macho Mojito.

Macho-Mojito-Createspace-662x1024

In an interview with SF Weekly, the Bay Area homosexual rationalized “cooking with cum.”  He said, “People eat all kinds of weird stuff.  Eggs are the menstruation of chickens.  Milk is the mammary excretion from cows.  Semen is…at least it’s fresh and you know who the producer is.”

Now Photenhauer has agreed to engage Bobbing for Apples in a round of 20-Questions via e-mail.  So, what would you like to ask?  Send your questions to BobbingForApplesInTheBigApple@gmail.com.

10 Things You Didn’t Know About Penises

Thanks to Seinfeld, we’re all familiar with the unfortunate side effect a dip in the pool can have on a man’s penis.  The cold water causes it shrivel up like a frightened turtle.  But did you know lighting up after that sweet roll in the hay may have a similar, perhaps more permanent result?  According to U.K.-based TCM Healthcare, which just released an infographic about the male appendage (arguably a homosexual’s favorite part), smoking may shrink your penis by up to one centimeter.

Apparently, the male orgasm lasts only six seconds (or thereabouts) and a teaspoon of the white stuff contains seven calories per serving.  That’s good to know, particularly if dick sauce is a part of your daily diet.  More on that in a later blog post, but in the meantime, check out this “personal touch” on a cocktail:

Macho-Mojito-Createspace-662x1024

I digress.

The infographic below is loaded with more odd facts.  Some of it may be hard to swallow (imagine trying to get the biggest penis down your throat), but it’s interesting nonetheless.

PENIS-1.INFOGRAPHIC