Anyone who’s taken a stroll through Manhattan’s Midtown West knows birds of a feather will flock together. How else could you explain all the queens who call that neighborhood home? You’ll find more “royal highnies” in Hell’s Kitchen than you will in Buckingham Palace for Pete’s sake!

I digress.

Not even subzero temperatures could keep all the single ladies from making their appointed rounds at the usual homosexual establishments.  All together now:  “Before we bed hop, we must bar hop!”

Again… I digress.

The bitter cold that turned the Bryant Park fountain into a frozen sculpture and scabbed over the Hudson River with ice has ushered in the Canada Goose. The coat is apparently so warm it allows scantily clad homosexuals to waltz into a gay bar wearing little more than their kinky boots and a jock strap. Filled with down, lined with coyote fur along the hood, and—of course—let’s not forget the “polar cap” badge, people flaunt around in them like they’ve earned a Girl Scout achievement patch for selling cookies.

Homosexuals in their twenties and early thirties will jump at any opportunity to brand themselves, eh? If you want to dress to impress, nothing says “cool and prestigious” like the Canada Goose.

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One of the world’s leading manufacturers of extreme weather outwear, the company says it has experienced tremendous growth, “including more than 1,500-percent growth in over the last five years in the U.S. alone.” On a local level, Bobbing for Apples counted fifteen “Canadian Geese” in a New York minute. That’s one every four seconds.  The obviously unscientific experiment took place on a weekday afternoon in another neighborhood home to a large percentage of the city’s homosexual population – the West Village. To meet demand, Canada Goose—as recently as May 2013— established U.S. headquarters in Denver, Colorado.

If you want to strut your stuff with only a Canada Goose between your warm, moist flesh and the dry, frigid air, be prepared to spend north of $800. Depending on when and where you buy, you might snag one for $500.

So, it will cost you a pretty penny, but perhaps that’s a small price to pay when you’re just “looking” for a way to keep warm on yet another cold winter’s night. So go on, ladies! Charge yourself a little happy. Run out, shake your tail feathers, and then find some hot guy to ruffle them for you!