If you’re a man who landed in high heels just as soon as you popped out of the womb, “you might be a [homosexual].”  If every time you open your mouth a purse falls out, “you might be a [homosexual].”  If you’re a snappy dresser who happens to smell good though, you might simply be a so-called “metro-sexual” often mistaken for a homosexual (even by those of us who rely on fine-tuned “gaydar” for our sexual livelihoods).

“Judging a book by its cover.”

Redneck Indiana businesses now have free license to turn away lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender customers all in name of the Lord now that Republican Governor Mike Pence put his “John Hancock” on the state’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act.

Praise Jesus!  Hallelujah!  Amen!

Has history taught us nothing?!  I mean, why stop at showing a homo the door?!  Here’s a novel idea:  Why don’t Indiana lawmakers force “queer folk” out of the closet by requiring them to register and self-identify as LGBT by wearing rainbow patches?  That way we limit any confusion about whether a person is gay, straight or bi—all in the interest of protecting religious liberty at the expense of civil rights and provide “full access to the judicial system.”

“From the pit of my stomach to the porcelain of the bowl.”

Pence makes me absolutely sick.  Misery enjoys company though, and Bobbing for Apples is thrilled to see high-profile executives, celebrities, and politicians denouncing the law.  The Human Rights Campaign is encouraging everyone to join the “chorus of outrage” and send a letter telling Pence “this is unacceptable.”

Nothings says “America, fuck yeah!” like some good old-fashioned bigotry, eh?  I digress.

“Hoosiers don’t believe in discrimination,” Pence said.  Over the weekend, he told The Indianapolis Star he was “taken aback” by all the negative reactions and “just can’t account for the hostility that’s been directed” toward Indiana.  He indicated he would support a new bill to “clarify” the intent of the new law, but he was not prepared to provide further details about the legislation.

He apparently was not prepared for ABC’s George Stephanopoulos either.  Take a look at how the governor failed to respond to simple “yes or no” questions when he appeared on the network’s political affairs program, “This Week.”

In Sunday’s edition of The Washington Post, Apple CEO Tim Cook pointed out Indiana is not alone in passing pro-discrimination ‘religious freedom’ laws.  “There’s something very dangerous happening in states across the country,” the openly gay executive wrote.  “A wave of legislation, introduced in more than two dozen states, would allow people to discriminate against their neighbors.  Some, such as the bill enacted in Indiana last week that drew a national outcry and one passed in Arkansas, say individuals can cite their personal religious beliefs to refuse service to a customer or resist a state nondiscrimination law.”

This “wave of legislation” comes as the U.S. Supreme Court prepares to hear oral arguments in four cases that could settle the same-sex marriage debate once and for all.  The nine justices expect to deliver a ruling by June.