Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little “Fucking” Lies

Why are we so careless with each other’s emotions? I gather heterosexuals are not immune from similar disregard, but homosexual men–with an overpowering (and in some cases insatiable) sexual appetite–seem to take it to an extreme. Lusting for “cock, cum, piss, boy hole” (or whatever else floats your boat), it’s alarming what we’re willing to sacrafice for purely physical, erotic encounters: the truth. That is what makes our interactions with each other beyond degrading.

“What a Tangled Web We Weave When First We Practice to Deceive.”

It’s puzzling how a homosexual’s dick can manage to grow a few inches with every passing fib, but he–who we’ll call Pinocchio–managed to get it up even as he found himself tangled in a web of lies.

We met at a party in Brooklyn. After a passing, provocative glance, we struck up conversation. Naturally, it didn’t take too long before he brought up sex.

“You look like a top,” Pinocchio said, somehow amazed that I’m anything but. “You should really try it sometime. You have no idea what you’re missing.”

“That’s rich, coming from the competition,” I initially joked. Up close, I noticed an overall glazed look in his bloodshot eyes. He nervously twitched and repeated himself. “Alright, I think I’m done here.”

“Wait! You mean, you don’t want to fuck me?”

“Not if you were the last homosexual in the world,” I said, attempting to walk away. Then he grabbed me.

“You can do it raw.”

“There again, we’re not compatible. I’m safe only.”

“Ugh! For real? Come on, dude. Forget condoms. Be a man.”

“Oh! Good for you! Now you’re going to school me on what it’s like to be a ‘man’? Tell me, who’s keeping you company right now–beyond Mary Jane? Let me guess, Tina? Molly?”

“I don’t do drugs,” he stuttered and hesitated.

“Now you’ve just lied to me.”

“You’re on PrEP, aren’t you?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

“That’s right. Are you on PrEP?”

“Well,” he hesitated again, “yeah. I’m clean. It’s totally safe.”

“Boy you are the worst liar! Strike two!”

“Well,” he corrected himself. “I’m undetectable. So that’s the same as you being on PrEP.”

“Strike three! You’re out. How the <insert choice word here> do you go from being ‘clean’ and on ‘PrEP’ to ‘undetectable’?”

By now, he looked mortified and completely ashamed–as well he should.

“Get the hell out of my face before I rearrange yours!” The anger had set in. “If you have the audacity to look me in the eyes and lie, brace yourself <insert choice word again> because I will make you feel as tall as that three-and-a-half-inch floppy undoubtedly shriveling right now behind your <insert yet another choice word> pants.”

It’s not altogether off-putting to learn that Pinocchio is HIV+. The issue is he lied about it (and so much more).

This most recent example is one of a myriad where I’ve caught some idiot lying through his teeth. Granted, not everyone goes as far, but consider all of those who hold themselves out as single and available only to confess at a later point that they’re involved in an open relationship or better yet, married–to a homosexual or a woman (you can never be sure these days). I’m particularly amused by those who offer an alias to start and share their real name only after the first date, despite several weeks of playing “getting to know you” with a spirited round of 20-questions on some dating app. Suddenly Jake becomes Dave who’s hanging onto his early thirties by staking a claim that he’s thirty-two, when in fact he’s closer to rounding forty. That’s disappointing, yes. But it cuts even deeper.

The foundation of any healthy relationship (be that with a professional acquaintance, close personal friend, casual sex partner, or romantic interest) is trust. When we constantly form first impressions of each other based on false information and inaccurate representations, we rob ourselves of the potential to achieve anything worthwhile. We relegate ourselves to a position far inferior to anything an outside member could dare to attempt with anti-gay slurs, homophobic remarks, or violence. For a community that has overcome so much adversity and achieved so much toward the path to equality, we become our own worst enemies when we choose to lie to each other with little respect for the consequences.

Indiana Governor Mike Pence Can Lick My Chapped Ass!

If you’re a man who landed in high heels just as soon as you popped out of the womb, “you might be a [homosexual].”  If every time you open your mouth a purse falls out, “you might be a [homosexual].”  If you’re a snappy dresser who happens to smell good though, you might simply be a so-called “metro-sexual” often mistaken for a homosexual (even by those of us who rely on fine-tuned “gaydar” for our sexual livelihoods).

“Judging a book by its cover.”

Redneck Indiana businesses now have free license to turn away lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender customers all in name of the Lord now that Republican Governor Mike Pence put his “John Hancock” on the state’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act.

Praise Jesus!  Hallelujah!  Amen!

Has history taught us nothing?!  I mean, why stop at showing a homo the door?!  Here’s a novel idea:  Why don’t Indiana lawmakers force “queer folk” out of the closet by requiring them to register and self-identify as LGBT by wearing rainbow patches?  That way we limit any confusion about whether a person is gay, straight or bi—all in the interest of protecting religious liberty at the expense of civil rights and provide “full access to the judicial system.”

“From the pit of my stomach to the porcelain of the bowl.”

Pence makes me absolutely sick.  Misery enjoys company though, and Bobbing for Apples is thrilled to see high-profile executives, celebrities, and politicians denouncing the law.  The Human Rights Campaign is encouraging everyone to join the “chorus of outrage” and send a letter telling Pence “this is unacceptable.”

Nothings says “America, fuck yeah!” like some good old-fashioned bigotry, eh?  I digress.

“Hoosiers don’t believe in discrimination,” Pence said.  Over the weekend, he told The Indianapolis Star he was “taken aback” by all the negative reactions and “just can’t account for the hostility that’s been directed” toward Indiana.  He indicated he would support a new bill to “clarify” the intent of the new law, but he was not prepared to provide further details about the legislation.

He apparently was not prepared for ABC’s George Stephanopoulos either.  Take a look at how the governor failed to respond to simple “yes or no” questions when he appeared on the network’s political affairs program, “This Week.”

In Sunday’s edition of The Washington Post, Apple CEO Tim Cook pointed out Indiana is not alone in passing pro-discrimination ‘religious freedom’ laws.  “There’s something very dangerous happening in states across the country,” the openly gay executive wrote.  “A wave of legislation, introduced in more than two dozen states, would allow people to discriminate against their neighbors.  Some, such as the bill enacted in Indiana last week that drew a national outcry and one passed in Arkansas, say individuals can cite their personal religious beliefs to refuse service to a customer or resist a state nondiscrimination law.”

This “wave of legislation” comes as the U.S. Supreme Court prepares to hear oral arguments in four cases that could settle the same-sex marriage debate once and for all.  The nine justices expect to deliver a ruling by June.